Saturday, August 28, 2010

Back to the Start...

When I became a blog writer, I was not a blog reader.  At the time, I didn't even really know what a blog was.  So, when my then-boyfriend recommended that I start one, he also recommended that I read a bunch of other blogs to see how it was done.  I accepted the first recommendation, but totally ignored the second, as evidenced by these, the words that started my blogging journey almost four years ago:

"So, this is a blog. It's all new to me. I figured I'd just dive right in rather than look at what other people have done here, since my inner voice will kick in and tell me I can't do it as well as everyone else and all my creative juices will pool in the lower recesses of my brain causing me great angst. So, here goes. Be gone inner voice."

I was afraid.  Terrified actually.  My mind used to be so easily scared away from doing things, particularly if there was a good chance that someone somewhere could do those things way better than I could; which, of course, applied to most things.  I have spent much time since that first blog post negotiating a safe space in my mind; a place that acknowledged and reassured the scared bits while allowing the adventurous bits to push forward. 

It's taken me a long time but, somehow, of late, I'm reading a lot more blogs.  And it's not so scary.  Perhaps it is because I am beginning to truly value my own writing talent and self in general. Or maybe it's just the maturity that comes with age to realize that there will always be someone out there that's better than you at things and that's good because it means you've got something still to learn, something still to explore and something still to feel wonder about.  And that is worth having.  And, for me, worth writing about. 


I'm feelin' a little misty-eyed tonight.  For all amazingly wonderful reasons.  I've come a long way.   And I've been reflecting lately, both on and offline, on just how happy I am to be where I am in my life right now.  How free I feel.  How open I feel.  How joyous I feel.  And so, I want to thank you, dear blog reader, wherever you are, for being a witness to my journey and a participant in my ongoing becoming.  I feel truly grateful to all of you.



Umlud said...

I read this: "People who leave strict religious groups are more likely to say their health is worse than members who remain in the group, according to a Penn State researcher" here:

Glad to see that there doesn't appear to be evidence of this in your case.

tall penguin said...

Thanks, Umlud. Great article. I may blog on it later.

"Glad to see that there doesn't appear to be evidence of this in your case."

I wish that were true. I'm grateful it doesn't appear to be the case though. I live with a severe case of Fibromyalgia. But I'm actually coping better since leaving the religion, so it has worked out overall to be to my health's benefit.

I wonder about the long-term results though. I would imagine that most people who leave strict religious groups would report worse health in the first 5 years they're out. But I hypothesize that their health might improve steadily after that. It takes a while to sort through the experience and come to terms with it but after a sufficient amount of time with that process I would imagine health issues to settle out more. Just my guess based on experience. I look forward to more of this research in the future.