Thursday, July 22, 2010

Declaration.

Having found that what I believed about myself, the universe and the world around me was almost entirely incorrect,

Having spent the last five years deprogramming, unlearning and otherwise reworking my brain,

Having realized that the mind is a tool that requires constant monitoring, as it is prone to error and deception,

Having rejected concepts of gods, monsters and all things supernatural,

Having realized, assimilated and come to appreciate that life is innately meaningless and that the universe is indifferent to my existence, is not made for me and that I am not "special" in any ultimate sense of the word,


Having faced my own mortality and accepted the reality that one day I will no longer exist,

Having grieved my losses, my errors, my regrets and defeats, and having made amends where possible,

Having let go of far more than I held on to,

Having realized that a balanced life is a play between emotionality and rationality,

Having noticed that the once desperate desire to enter into relationship and/or have a child has spontaneously and mysteriously lifted,

Having come to a wider acceptance of my family dynamics,

Having found the constraints of poor finance and ill health currently endurable,

Having found moments of intense fear being replaced with intense curiosity,

Having come to a place of relative mental quiet and calm,

Having fallen into very deep love with myself, all of myself,

I find myself in new territory, as if born anew. There is an openness here that is beyond words. And for the first time, in a long time, I find myself dreaming...

of...

what...

could be.

tall penguin

5 comments:

Magenta said...

As a JW trying to fade discretely (but not so successfully) I appreciate your point of view, so beautifully expressed. Thank you!

tall penguin said...

Hi there, Magenta. Thank you for your comment. I applaud your courage in leaving the JW's. Fading is not an easy thing to do.

Hugs to you.

heart2heart said...

I hope that I can find this same peace in my life. Much love to you :) Hope to see you soon!

tall penguin said...

Hello m'lovely h2h. Yes, you will find it. You're one amazing woman!!!

And yes, we must get together soon; I reckon a girl's night out is in order. ;)

Anonymous said...

Beautiful.