Saturday, April 24, 2010


Now I've heard a lot of pick-up lines in my time. But this little interlude ranks as my all-time favorite.

I'm standing with my best friend D today at a busy intersection waiting for the light to change. All of a sudden, this man slides up from behind me and says, in a thick Russian accent, "You are so mesmerizing!"

I turn to my side to see a middle-aged man, who reminds me instantly of Chekov from Star Trek fame, staring deeply into my eyes. I then turn to my other side and look at D who is already cracking up.

"Oh really?" I say to my new admirer.

"Yes," he continues. "And do you know what it is that makes you so mesmerizing?"

I figure he's going to say it's my eyes, but then I realize that he can't see them behind my sunglasses. Then I'm thinking it must be my height and the way I carry my tall penguin frame. But I don't want to ruin the game so I ask him to please tell me what it is that makes me so mesmerizing.

"It's the roundness of your bottom," he says, quite seriously.

At this point, D and I lose it completely. He seems mildly offended by our laughter, and feels he must now defend his position. So he continues further, "Really, it's true. Your bottom just has this curve that is really beautiful," completing his commentary with extensive hand gestures.

D and I continue chuckling.

"Are you single?" he asks me.

"No," I reply. The truth is none of his business of course.



"Well then, tell your fiancé that you met his competition today. And tell him he's a lucky man to have a woman with such a nice bottom."

"I'll be sure to do that," I tell him as we part ways, D and I continuing to laugh as we cross the light. I've said it before and I'll say it again, my life is ridiculous.

tall penguin


CyberLizard said...

I wish I had the balls to walk up to a woman and say something like that. And if I did have the balls, I wish I could say something like that without sounding like a complete moron. Maybe I should work on my russian accent...

joshsaltzman said...

This story makes me want to cry.

Umlud said...

Heh. Not being a person who says things like this, I am one who tends to walk along while admiring the view.

Unlikely to get embarrassed. Also unlikely to get a date on a Saturday night. But then again, as I'm with someone right now, that's probably a good thing. :D

Phaedron Rising said...

10/10 for balsiness,
1/10 for execution.