I don't know why but I am still surprised when the grief comes to visit. I have so many days now where I float above this life and all of its suffering. And then, out of the abyss, comes a grief so raw and searing that it takes my breath away. And I cry. And cry. And cry. I cannot make these moments of grief go any more than I can make the moments of joy stay. So, I just let them pass through, like clouds.