Sunday, August 23, 2009

Just as it was...

When you know you are at the end of something---a relationship, a job, a life---life becomes very acute.  All of a sudden, you notice things you didn't see before.  The glint in your lover's eye when he says your name.  The way the lights shine off the selling floor as the night falls. The way a parent's breath rises and falls as they speak.

Somehow, the world around continues.  People shuffle on the corner of your city, coming and going, waiting for lights to change.  Horns honk impatient demands.  And the clouds in the sky continue to roll on by.  

And you wonder if you lived that relationship, that job, that life with the rawness, the awakeness that you feel now.  You hope you did.  You pray upon the midnight star that you did. But you're never entirely sure.

So, you breathe in every last smell, every last touch, every last sight and sound and hope that it will be enough to cover over any of those sublime, delicious moments you missed along the way.  You linger along the length of your lover's fingers, stroking them as he sleeps.  You notice how your work vest never quite fit the way you wanted it to.  You sink into the blue ocean in your mother's eyes and wonder about all the secrets she never told you.

And when you close that chapter---that relationship, that job, that life---you breathe in a sigh of grief and breathe out a sigh of deep satisfaction.  For all that went unnoticed, unfelt or unlived, the journey was beautiful.  Just as it was.  

tall penguin

1 comment:

Ganga Fondan said...

This is so true Penguin. Everything changes from one form to another. Even awareness transforms from one stage to another.

Hugs and more hugs,
Ganga