Friday, August 7, 2009

Anybody Out There?

Okay, here's the deal. I'm in need of a sharp dose of reality and connection and hugs. Lots of hugs. So all you people who read my blog and don't comment or sit on the sidelines of my existence watching from a distance and thinking that that makes you part of my life, here's your chance to be real. Post a comment here. Tell me something that will make you real to me. A secret. What you really think about life. What your heart yearns for. Who you are and why you read here. What you look like. Anything.

I'm so tired of feeling so utterly alone--writing in my journals, writing on this blog, text messages, emails, voice mail---ARGH!!! I really hate this stupid world sometimes. Virtual friendships. Virtual communication. If you're a human being, stand up and be counted. Share something with me. Hug me. Do something that makes me feel as if you're real and not just some pixelated automaton.

I think I'm losing the plot. Or maybe I'm the only sane person left.

tall penguin


CyberLizard said...

Can I poke you with a stick? ;-) It might very well be possible that you are the only sane person left.

I'm real all right. Although I do bury myself in the virtual world too much.

If seeing a picture of my big old hairy belly like that doesn't make me seem real, I don't know what will ;-)


DieHard said...

We spoke once a while ago on the email. It was right after the PZ Myers thing. I forget what we talked about... Anyway, I added your blog to my reader and I've been reading most of your postings.

When we spoke, I forgot to tell you I have a penguin tattoo.

Umlud said...

Since I'm not always very good at extemporaneous typing, I'll use a format of 5-things-about-me.

1. I was born in Tamuning, Guam, but am not Guamanian nor from a military family.
2. I lived outside the United States almost as long as I've lived in it.
3. I'm trying to finish a PhD at the University of Michigan (I'll spare everyone the drudgery of discussing my research topic).
4. I want to eventually work (or do research at least) in Latin America, and am studying Spanish to that end.
5. I started reading your blog during the PZ Myers thing and -- having put it in my Google Reader -- have read every one of your posts since then (even though I might not have commented on them).

When I feel that I'm losing the plot, I get out of town to clear my head. Maybe a trip out of the city would do you so me good (for example, check to see if there's any last-minute flight deals, then go somewhere with a couple day's worth of clothes and enjoy where ever you end up... even if it's Podunkville.)

matt said...

I'm here, darling, I'm real! I wish you were closer, I want you to meet someone special. :)
Maybe you can get a flight out this way sometime?

Want a secret? I've told you all of them! :O

Anonymous said...

We took an art course together once.

We've shared a couple of emails.

Sometimes when I'm in the area I walk through the book store but I haven't seen you there yet.

I'm here.

Anonymous said...


Ganga Fondan said...

Wow, way to ask for what you want!
and I think you are completely insane and that is the most loveable part of you!!!


Anonymous said...

My dear Anya
I found you at a very low point in my life. I felt utterly alone, reabsorbed. I couldn't be integrous to myself and my beliefs, or to the belief system that had become so toxic to me. I had relapsed into an eating disorder, and I was crushed. I found you by chance, coincidence or fate, whatever you want to call it. You were a tall penguin that I wanted to know, understand and seek wisdom from. You are a truly beautiful soul, and you have inspired me in more ways than you can ever know. I am a better person for meeting you. I hope one day to meet you beyond the confines of pixels and virtual realities and keyboards. You haven't lost the plot, dear. You are here. We are here, we exist.
All my love, hugs and thoughts to you.

secretlifeofgayle said...

I am here. Me and my stupid breastfeeding obsession are still stomping our way through the days and nights. Working through it.

Things that make you feel real, huh? Okay, how about this: every time I read one of your comments or blog posts, I get goose bumps b/c you are such a strong person. I feel like if I were to meet you irl, I'd be too shy to have the same conversations with you there that I have with you here. (I guess that's one point for the internet team!)

Another real: I got stuck in the downpour tonight with the kids and husband. We had the option to send the husband home for the car or to walk. We walked and got so soaked my underclothes were wet when we got home. Then we squeezed all four of us into our brown 1970s bathtub to warm up after peeling off the sopping wet clothes. It was so crazy. I asked the monkey if he wanted to do it again and he said yes...but not today.

A small secret: I wish I could start smoking again, I miss it so badly. Even though it's a horrible habit, I loved the rush and don't think I'll ever quite be able to replace it with anything.

Sending hugs through the atmosphere.


tall penguin said...

Thank you everyone for chiming in. Hugs to all.

CyberLizard: Your big old hairy belly does indeed make you more real to me. ;) Thank you for that.

Die Hard: A penguin tattoo?! Pictures please or at least a more detailed description.

Umlud: I'd love to hear more about your PhD work.

And I actually DID get out of town this past weekend. Funny that that was your suggestion. Great minds think alike. Or is it, fools seldom differ? ;) The mini-vacation did give me a much needed break and a change of perspective.

Matt: I truly hope I can come fly out to see you at some point soon. Maybe by the time you reach Texas. And, of course, I want to meet your "someone special". ;)

Anon: I remember that art class fondly. And thank you so much for coming by the store yesterday. It was nice to see a reader in person.

AJ: Your initials? This is how you break your silence with me? Wow. I'm not sure if I want to kiss you or slap you.

I could light up a small city with the rage you've unleashed in me these past few months. I can't believe that after 22 years it has come to this.

No human being on this planet has simultaneously caused me more pain and joy than you, AJ. Congratulations.

Ganga: I'm so glad you appreciate that I'm insane. Takes one to know one. And I'm glad to be your knight in shining armor too! ;)

Lauren: Thank you dear one. I see so much of myself in you. I hope one day to wrap my arms around you and bring all this shared emotion into reality.

"Gayle": Your family bathtub story made me smile and get a bit teary-eyed. I find your take on parenting refreshing and inspiring.

As for what it would be like if we met in person, I'm sure we would get along just fine. Your shyness would eventually be overcome by my insanity and we'd both collapse into a frenzy of frenetic laughter.

Re: smoking. I've developed a penchant for clove cigarettes of late. I must say I get a bit high off of them and can understand the appeal. I limit myself to one every couple of days. One of my small vices. So, I can understand your missing them.

V said...

So, here is a story I just had to share. Yesterday T and A were sitting on the couch watching Star Wars. T happened to be naked and A was wearing his underwear and a t-shirt. Guess who knocked on the door? Yep, a JW! Apparently the look on his face was priceless when he saw A and T in their (lack of) attire. After A declined to engage in conversation with him he then stayed on our porch and stared in the window. A became creeped out and almost called the police! Oh, and T was, of course, touching his penis. Ha ha ha. Still laughing. We're going to hell for sure!

tall penguin said...

Great story V. Well, at least they gave that JW something interesting to tell his waiting car group. You heathens!!! :)