Friday, May 8, 2009

Pregnant...

I'm pregnant!!! With dreams that is. Gotcha.

I found this article from Chameli Ardagh incredibly inspiring this week. The article, "Using Your Female Instincts to be a Leader" has some great comments on what it means to be a woman in this world, or even to be a man who is able to access his feminine side. I am increasingly in awe of women. I am amazed by their power, wisdom, resilience and strength. I am amazed by my power, wisdom, resilience and strength. Perhaps that is the shift I have made in the last year. I have come to realize that I am a woman and that to be a woman is not lesser, just different. And to be a woman is to have deep compassion and wells of strength and will. And to be a woman is pretty cool.

I particularly enjoyed Ardagh's commentary on the creative cycle of life. She uses the analogy of pregnancy and childbirth to discuss the cyclic nature of the creative process:
  • "If you have a sense of something you are called to do but you don’t know yet what it is, you are in the conception phase and the right thing to do now is simply to wait. Spend time in silence, in nature perhaps, and open yourself for guidance. This phase is full of possibilities, nothing is clear yet, and that is exactly how it should be.
  • If you vaguely know what you are called to do, but it has not yet taken form, you are pregnant. You don’t know the gender yet, or how the baby will look, but it is clearly there. Your job now is to nurture yourself and to gather strength. Perhaps you want to prepare the nest before the birth. Patience is needed, remember you cannot push the baby out before it is ready!
  • Maybe you already have an infant? You now know the gender, the name and you begin to get a sense of your baby’s personality. Sleepless nights, exhaustion, and the thrill of the new are all parts of this phase, you have to be ready to give everything.
  • The toddler needs even more attention as it is beginning to have a sense of will and creativity.
  • As the child grows older you have some time now when all is needed from you is gentle steady maintenance and guidance.
  • Then you hit the teenage years, which may be a time of obstacles and fierce resistance. Your persistence and guidance is now needed more than ever. Many give up in this phase.
  • One day the child has grown up and is ready to live an independent life, this may be the time when you let your project go, and again open yourself to new horizons."
I would say that I am definitely in the pregnancy phase right now. I have a sense of what I'm to do next with my life, but it has not yet taken form although I can feel it growing in my awareness with each passing day. I am reminded here that "you cannot push the baby out before it is ready." Indeed. I realize the painful truth of this so clearly now. So many times in my life I have experienced aborted dreams because I tried to make them come to life before they were ready, before I was ready. I did not have the needed strength to bring them to fruition. So, now, I feel myself gathering that strength, gathering momentum, and completely allowing myself to fall in love with what is growing in my soul.

I find myself getting ready for this birth. I am eating and sleeping better, getting more exercise, and consciously taking time to nurture myself. I am spending time at home "preparing the nest", clearing out the old and no longer needed, simplifying my space to make room for the new. And I am getting other things in order, paperwork, finances, resources and support persons, so that when this baby births I will be ready to attend to it fully. The only thing left is to plan the baby shower! I'm thinking my upcoming 35th birthday will be a celebration of the birth of my dreams. Hmm...better get on this...only six weeks to go.

Some years ago, I had the pleasure of attending the birth of my friend's daughter. The experience changed me. As I watched my friend bring this little being into the world, I stood in awe. I had watched for nine months as this mysterious process took place within her whereby nothing grew into something. I watched my friend's body change and I wondered about the miracle taking place inside of her. As the baby emerged from her body, I felt this wave of energy surge through mine. There was this very intense realization that I was a woman and, "Wow, my body can do that."

Yes, my body can do that. My dreams are coming to life. It is the labor of many months, nay, years, of waiting, incubating, getting ready. I am on the cusp here. And this baby is gettin' ready to pop. I'm so excited.

tall penguin

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