Friday, April 24, 2009

Mother Dearest

If you've read my blog regularly, you know I have had many issues with my mother over the years (as evidenced by the fact that there are more blog entries about her than anyone else). When she chose to convert to the Jehovah's Witnesses when I was just five years old, it turned my whole world upside down and only in the past few years have I begun to heal the damage done. And heal I have.

Something has shifted profoundly between my mother and I in the past six months. I blogged back in January about my mother's brush with cancer late last year and how that affected things between us. This past week, my mother did radiation therapy for what we hope is the first and last time. Every day I called her while she was in isolation, not because I felt obligated to, but because I wanted to. Because I actually care for her. And it's not that she's my mother. It's because I finally see her as a woman just like me. A woman searching. A woman in pain. A woman who is strong and vibrant and courageous. A woman who loves and laughs and does her best each day to find meaning in this crazy life. I am this woman. And she is me.

There was a moment on the phone the other day when she thanked me for my calls and attention through this week and how much it meant to her. And I said, "I love you Mom."

And she said, "I love you too."

And something opened up, like angels singing a hole through the sky. There was this deep sense of peace around the whole journey my mother and I have taken during the 35 years of my life. It is as if a circle has come to completion, opening the way for a new relationship between us.

I am deeply satisfied.

tall penguin


Call me Paul said...

I had trouble reading this entry. It was a little blurry for some reason. I tried cleaning my screen, but that didn't seem to help. Thought maybe I'd forgotten to put on my glasses, but there they were on my face. So I gave them a wipe, but that didn't solve the problem either. Whatever, I'm sure I'll figure it out...

tall penguin said...

Hey Paul, hope you got the issue sorted out. No one else I know is having a problem reading the blog right now.

matt said...

It was the tears in his eyes, beautiful. ;)

tall penguin said... I see. lol. Sometimes I forget that this can be an emotional journey for others beside myself. Geez, you think for a writer, I would've gotten your nuance, Paul. Don't I feel silly. :)

It's funny, because I sit here typing away at my life, never quite understanding the impact of my writing. I always write for myself first and have no idea how things will be received. I sometimes forget that this blog isn't a lone voice in some far corner of the universe but a reflection of the journey of so many on this planet.

Thank you for reminding me of this.