Friday, March 13, 2009
Nothing like a Friday afternoon spent perusing the local online want ads. I can't stop grinning at the great social experiment that is the online environment. There are people out there looking for or offering just about anything and everything.
Here's a sampling from today's ads:
First of all, the Sugar Daddies. I have to concede that at least there's an honesty here.
Sugar Daddy Number 1: "I am hoping to meet some nice, respectful girls who are beautiful and love sex. If you are in need of someone that can rescue you from your Debt, STUDENT LOANS, CREDIT CARDS, AND clothes. If you’re working for retail stores or underpaid jobs this will not be enough to the bills, you can definitely use the help. I'm looking for someone who is young and who love sex, French kissing, clean and disease free. If you think we should get to know each other send me a message with full picture. You can make $4000.00 easy money per month, why look for a summer job that will only pay $9.00/hr?? If you can make $1000.00 a week."
Sugar Daddy Number 2: "I am a financially successful man looking for someone who would like to have a sugar daddy. I am kind, generous, outgoing and attractive. If you are the one and we have the right chemistry I will take care of you financially. If you want to start let me know and let's see if we have a connection."
Then there's the afternoon rendezvous seeker:
"tall lean fit blond guy
this morning or afternoon
serious no games
Is there a woman who could give me ashave or a brazilian wax down there could pay"
And gotta love this one. Oh, to be 23 again.
"Hey girls, memories of my ex are really tormenting me. I need to find a girl that will help me forget about her. Will that be you?"
What really intrigues me are the "Missed Connections" ads, where you seek out someone you made eye contact with randomly on a bus or in the supermarket, or someone you had a quick chat with on the street or at a bookstore, but didn't get the details on. For some reason, they've stuck with you and you want to reconnect. I've had a few of these moments with people. I'm often left wondering what could have happened if we'd taken the connection further.
"wanted to be sketching you rather then keeping up an awkward half conversation with my friend... up for giving me another chance... "
"This is a shot in the dark but I'm looking for a lady I saw in the airport Friday Feb. 27 at 7 PM - blonde and wearing a tan cable knit sweater. "
"It was Thursday the 26th at the bookstore, and we sat on a bench inside of the bookstore reading. I noticed as soon as you entered how incredibly handsome you were and you sat down beside me, after taking off your bag and bag and jacket and you get it. : ) You were really fidgetty and changing your position at every opportunity and I am always moving my legs around when I'm reading searching for that one-comfy-position-that-makes-my-legs-go-thanks! but because you kept moving I didn't want to move around before it seemed like I was mimicking you or copying you in a creepy way.
Eitherway, I picked up a Bob Dylan poetry book and only after you left and I put my books down on the bench I noticed you were reading the biography (I think it was) of Bob Dylan. Anyways, I thought it was a beautiful moment and regretted not looking at you fully and smiling. "
Humans are a funny lot. Hours of endless entertainment. I sometimes think the internet is the greatest show on earth.