So I wrote this in my journal a few days ago, in a coffee shop, while waiting. I think it shows the process of coming to the last post I wrote and the clarifying that took place in those waiting moments. It's been a different journey this week, in that I haven't shared much of the process with you all as I was going through it. So much has happened in my universe this past few weeks. There are some things kept closest to my heart that words won't ever suffice to express.
July 23, 2008
I am a swirling ball of confusion. And yet there is this incredibly strong still point at my core. A quiet voice that says, "It's okay. Everything's going to be okay." I feel this voice getting stronger every day. It is the voice of God. The God I prayed to as a child for protection and comfort. It is only now that I am quiet enough to hear its response and to realize it's always been there. I am that. I am that.
It is raining today. Raining on me. Raining through me. Raining for me.
People come and go on the other side of the window. Where have they come from? Where are they going? So many stories. Stories within stories. Never-ending tapestries woven by memories long forgotten. Not knowing who we are, not knowing how we came to be here, we trudge along, one foot in front of the other, to an unknown future.
It can all change in an instant. A drop of rain, a kiss, a slight touch--and we are forever changed. Transferred into that which we have longed to be our whole life; that quiet call from within our heart that has echoed through each breath. That voice that gently taps us on the shoulder and says, "Come".
And without quite knowing how or why, we take a step, then the next, then the next, trusting that the bridge will be there.
The road to nowhere is the road to everywhere. It is the path to everyone we've ever been, everyone we will become. We are that.
Vibrations of the universe. We tap our feet to an unknown rhythm. Beating to the drum of our heart, we begin to sway. We begin to breathe in all that is and marvel at our own beingness. We don't know quite when it happened but we know we have arrived. We know we are finally here, in this body, in this life. And we breathe. In and out. In and out. In and out.
The clouds are dark. They signal that which is to come. And we wonder if we are prepared for the storm. We always wonder if we are prepared. We are afraid that we don't have what it takes to be with all that is. But the voice, it knows. It whispers up through our in-breath and says, "Yes. You have all you need. Yes. You are all you need."
And so, you step out in the darkened day and let the rain wash over you. You know you won't stay wet forever. You know the sun will eventually dry your tears.
A sea of umbrellas shielding the inevitable. Why argue against what is?
This dull ache in the belly of my soul. Waiting for Godot. So much waiting. This is life. It is here. No more waiting. Create. Create. And create again.
I cannot say with any clarity what will happen next. I cannot say with any clarity that was is next will happen. I know I am here. I know I am. And that is enough.
The rain pours faster now. The time is fast approaching. Can you stand in the rain with me? Can you be with life as it is? Can you be with me as I am? Please walk with me in the rain. Hold my hand. Be with me here. Be with me now. Let us drink in this moment in all its exquisiteness, in all its delectable beauty. Let us throw caution to the wind, the wind that rustles around us. To the elements of fire and water and ether and air. Let it fill us up with all that is and all that will be. Let us flood with the fever of this moment, knowing, trusting, that it is what it is. Let us be. Let us be. Let it be.