Thursday, July 31, 2008

Becoming Anya...

I blogged about the transformation I have entered beginning with my last birthday and my adoption of a new first name. It's been an interesting month as I move into Anya. I realize that it's an unfolding rather than a single moment. I can't just leap into Anya, I must open into her.

I am in the process of creating a naming ceremony for when the time feels right to officially move into the full embodiment of Anya. I have also ordered a new name badge at work and my manager is planning to support the changeover with a parallel celebration at the bookstore on the day I do the ceremony. I feel much love and support of this new phase of my life, the emergence of this new being.

It seems wonderfully serendipitous that I have gravitated towards the birthing process in recent years, even entertaining the idea of becoming a midwife or doula. What I'm realizing is the first birth I must facilitate is my own. Becoming Anya feels like birthing myself, my true self. And so, there are some labor pains, some growing pains and a whole lot of being with who is right now, as I make my way down the birth canal of life.

I feel Anya linger in my awareness. I see what she looks like. I feel how she is different from anyone I've ever been before. And yet, not different. It is a creation anew but also a coming home. There is this sense of knowing that Anya has always been.

I spoke to my father about my name change. He supports the idea. As he said, "You're an adult. It's your life. You can do whatever you like." I still have not spoken with my mother about it. We'll see what happens there.

As I reflect on the versions of myself I've already been, the names I've held, the personas I've created over the years, I see their purpose in the great unfolding of who I really am. I see their roles in getting me to where I am now. Like vehicles to get from one point to another, they have given me transport through this life. And I am grateful for everything I learned under their banners.

Now, as I move into Anya, I find a grounding taking place. I feel my roots become firmer. I find my foundation of support become more solid. And I feel my desire to move out into the world gaining momentum. Anya is a traveler. I can feel an energy building, a desire to leave this city of my birth. I find myself dreaming of foreign lands, possibilities not yet even conceived, horizons waiting to be explored. And I am filled with wonder.

tall penguin

6 comments:

Flonkbob said...

Everyone has to invent themselves as they grow, but it's a rare person who realizes it and embraces the change. Too many people fear change to much to admit that they're not the same person they used to be.

It's nice to see you progressing into who you will be.

tall penguin said...

Thank you dear flonk.

Umlud said...

As a person who's traveled around the world since the age of 3 months, I only suggest that you discern what it means to be you and hold on to that. For me, it is my association with the concept of water. (It's become both my identity and my obsession, truth be told.)

If you want to be a traveler, realize that the only thing you really have is who you are. (That and a load of really good memories.)

Good to meet'cha, Anya.

Vanessa said...

Hmmm... my midwife (Mary) got to do some of her training in Jamaica and Holland. Maybe you could combine the travel and training? Not sure if it is still available but I can ask.

Alice said...

Welcome Anya!

I like it. : )

samina said...

Nice to meet you Anya (I didn't realise you had changed your name...wow!)