I blogged about the transformation I have entered beginning with my last birthday and my adoption of a new first name. It's been an interesting month as I move into Anya. I realize that it's an unfolding rather than a single moment. I can't just leap into Anya, I must open into her.
I am in the process of creating a naming ceremony for when the time feels right to officially move into the full embodiment of Anya. I have also ordered a new name badge at work and my manager is planning to support the changeover with a parallel celebration at the bookstore on the day I do the ceremony. I feel much love and support of this new phase of my life, the emergence of this new being.
It seems wonderfully serendipitous that I have gravitated towards the birthing process in recent years, even entertaining the idea of becoming a midwife or doula. What I'm realizing is the first birth I must facilitate is my own. Becoming Anya feels like birthing myself, my true self. And so, there are some labor pains, some growing pains and a whole lot of being with who is right now, as I make my way down the birth canal of life.
I feel Anya linger in my awareness. I see what she looks like. I feel how she is different from anyone I've ever been before. And yet, not different. It is a creation anew but also a coming home. There is this sense of knowing that Anya has always been.
I spoke to my father about my name change. He supports the idea. As he said, "You're an adult. It's your life. You can do whatever you like." I still have not spoken with my mother about it. We'll see what happens there.
As I reflect on the versions of myself I've already been, the names I've held, the personas I've created over the years, I see their purpose in the great unfolding of who I really am. I see their roles in getting me to where I am now. Like vehicles to get from one point to another, they have given me transport through this life. And I am grateful for everything I learned under their banners.
Now, as I move into Anya, I find a grounding taking place. I feel my roots become firmer. I find my foundation of support become more solid. And I feel my desire to move out into the world gaining momentum. Anya is a traveler. I can feel an energy building, a desire to leave this city of my birth. I find myself dreaming of foreign lands, possibilities not yet even conceived, horizons waiting to be explored. And I am filled with wonder.