Saturday, June 7, 2008

Me Is So Smart...

My 34th birthday is coming up in less than two weeks. For ex-Jehovah's Witnesses, birthdays are often counted from the official time they left the cult. So, this year, I'm turning 3.

I figure I should see if I'm meeting the developmental milestones for my age. (My comments are in red.)

Physical Development:

Run well. Does speed-walking count?

March. To the beat of my heart.

Stand on one foot briefly. Key word being "briefly".

Feed himself well. I can feed myself. "Well" is pretty subjective. I'm thinking potato chips at midnight isn't "well".

Put on shoes and stockings. Yup, I've mastered tying my shoelaces. As for stockings, do fishnets count?

Unbutton and button his clothes. Mastered this one, although sometimes I still require a little assistance. ;)

Be able to build a tower of 10 cubes. Hmm...now where did I put that box of Lego?

Be able to pour from a pitcher. And I can do it without too much head on the top!

Use crayons. Crayola Day anyone?

Jump up and down. I like jumping.

Begin pedaling a riding toy (tricycle.) I'm on a two-wheeler already. I'm the smartest three-year old I know!

Throw a big ball and catch it. I'm good with...never mind.

Sort two objects that match. Hey, if I can find two socks that match it's a good day.

Developmental milestones associated with feeding:

Spills small amount from spoon. Check

Begins to use fork; holds it in fist. I've moved on to proper fork-holding technique. Now, if I could figure out how to refrain from randomly stabbing people with said fork, that would be progress. Maybe I am three after all.

Uses adult pattern of chewing, which involves rotary action of jaw. Never stopped to notice this one, but I imagine my jaw is capable of rotary action. I've stopped chewing up and down. It gets some funny faces at the local Noshery.

Social & Emotional Development:

Like animals and stories. Do stories about squirrels count? What about trunk sharks?

Be curious. Curiosity in spades, sir.

Use fantasy to make sense out of what he/she doesn’t understand (magical thinking is common.) Alright, I'll concede to having a little magical thinking going on. Can't love, nor live, rightly without it.

Speak in longer sentences. Yes, I do believe I can speak in longer sentences, although one would surmise that the best things are said in as few words as possible; as my dear Grampy used to say, "Shit, or get off the pot!"

Tell simple stories. Do stories about squirrels count? What about trunk sharks?

Use words as tools of thought. Hmm...words...tools of thought? Who would've guessed. I'll have to try that out someday.

Want to understand his environment. I'll be three forever.

Answer questions. "Yes, officer, I was going 150 in a 40 zone."

Be able to reason out questions like “what must you do when you are sleepy, hungry, cool, or thirsty?” I notice "what must you do when you're horny" isn't on the list.

Be imaginative. Mr. Rhino's adventures didn't pop out of thin air ya know.

Stutter for a brief period (maybe.) Some days worse than others.

Have a vocabulary of an average of 896 words. I'm approaching the 800 mark. 896 might be a little ambitious at this point.

Use the pronouns I, you, and me correctly. Who am I exactly? I fail this one.

Use some plurals and past tenses. I can even use them in the same sentence!

Know at least three prepositions (usually in, on, and under.) Oh, so many things I could say. I'm a very naughty 3 year-old.

Know chief parts of body and be able to indicate them (if not name them.) Ditto.

Handle three word sentences easily. Dick likes Jane. Dick likes Suzie. Dick likes Bob. Dick is polyamorous.

Begin to use verbs with great frequency. I like to jump, march, chew food in an adult pattern, button my own clothes, stand on one foot and use prepositions. I cool.

Understand simple questions dealing with his environment and activities. I still can't answer what happened to THE environment. So maybe I fail this one.

Relate his experiences so that they can be followed (with reason.) Ha, ha, ha. Only you guys can answer that one. You followin' me?

Be able to give his name, age and sex. Two out of three ain't bad.

Talk in short sentences to express feelings. I like sushi. Sushi makes me happy. Let's go for sushi.

Ask “What?” and “Why?” questions. Umm...you've read my blog right?

Intellectual Development:

Want to please others and want to adapt. Please, yes. Adapt, not so good.

Be increasingly interested in social play, but prefer to play by himself or with one other person. When did this become about my sexual preferences?

Want to imitate others in play (especially parents.) Why every relationship I've ever had has crashed and burned. Do we ever really outgrow this one?

Enjoy being with other children. Kids are cool.

Begin to show cooperation with adults. Yes, beginning to.

Begin to distinguish other’s intentional acts from unintentional acts. Hmm...wow...what a profound statement. Yes and yes.

Try to please adults with his answers. Trying to please myself with answers. The adults can go to hell. :)

Take turns. Your turn is up. Now give me the dice.

Enjoy brief group activities requiring no skill. I LOVE group activities requiring no skill. Wish there were more of them in life.

Enjoy “helping” in small ways, responding to verbal guidance. Unless it's from my boss. I don't accept his verbal guidance so well.

Enjoy conforming. Not so much.

Have an easy going attitude. Easy-breezy.

Be less resistant to change Ha, ha, ha. Didn't I just blog about my resistance to change? Okay, there's gotta be some room for improvement.

Be more secure. In process.

Have a greater sense of personal identity. Also in process.

Begin to be adventuresome. Does dancing around in my living room naked count?

Enjoy music. I've moved beyond Sharon, Lois and Bram though. Skimmery, rinky, rinky doo.

Play with others and share toys sometimes. tall penguin is learning to play nice with others. And "sometimes" is the operative word here.

Have a fear of separation. Sigh. Yes.

Have violent emotions and anger (throws tantrums.) Ha. They are written tantrums though. Doesn't count.

Differentiate facial expressions of anger, sorrow, and joy. I differentiate all right. I know what you're feeling before you do.

Show a sense of humor, play tricks. So, replacing my roomie's hair gel with toothpaste is age-appropriate behavior? Sweet!

So, there you have it folks. By all accounts, I'm on track. And the coolest part? I'll be the only 3 year-old getting totally blotzed at her birthday party. YAY ME!!!

tall penguin

6 comments:

mike said...

Now that was a good Saturday morning post.... I actually did LOL!

matt said...

I can't stop laughing, hahaha!
Does that mean I can send you a 3-year-old's birthday gift? :)

Unbutton and button his clothes. Mastered this one, although sometimes I still require a little assistance. ;)

Hahaha

Hmm, I guess that means I'm 1 year old!

Flonkbob said...

"Begin to be adventuresome. Does dancing around in my living room naked count?"

Only if the curtains are open. :)

tall penguin said...

"Only if the curtains are open. :)"

Yes, the curtains are usually open. And I didn't care until I noticed the attention of my neighbor in the apartment across the courtyard from me. You know "Ugly Naked Guy" from the Friends show? Well, this must be his twin or at least his close cousin.

Prancing around one day, I noticed him staring at me from his kitchen window. Now I don't mind the squirrels taking a gander at my naked self, but this guy just looked creepy. So, I'm a bit more cautious about the nudity now.

Ged said...

Haha I don't think there's much danger of you getting old too soon.

Prancing around one day, I noticed him staring at me from his kitchen window. Now I don't mind the squirrels taking a gander at my naked self, but this guy just looked creepy.

Yes, you'd think he could be more discreet. Anyone knows, when an attractive neighbour gets naked, you head for your preprepared hidden vantage point and reach for the binoculars.

Anonymous said...

Too many opportunities for comments here. :)

Happy almost birthday!