Oh my. I just realized I'm in a Cypher phase. Whenever I teeter on the verge of change, I have these days where I just want to be re-inserted into the Matrix and pretend like none of this is happening. I want to scream out my frustration at the reality of life on the outside of what I once knew.
And I am filled with rage. I want to drag my ex out into the street (the ex who freed me from the jw's), and beat his body into a lifeless heap. "Sorry your whole life has been a lie. Pass the potatoes." Thanks asshole. Thanks for nothing.
And I wonder if it's like this for everyone who leaves religion. Do they still have these days where they want to crawl into that bubble, where there's an answer for everything, where the warm blanket of delusion caresses their cheek?