Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Beneath...

"Don't turn away.
Keep your gaze on the bandaged place.
That's where the light enters you."

~~Rumi

As a young child I had a fascination with my wounds. I was always curious to know what was going on under the bandaid. I would often take peeks to see the healing taking place. My curiosity later turned into a strange form of self-mutilation where I'd pick off scabs long before they were healed to see if they were "done" yet. I've blogged about this here.

In my ongoing acceptance of myself, I no longer rip off the scab to see if it's healed. I trust that whatever is taking place under the cosmic bandaid is necessary and that when it's ready, the new will emerge.

Almost a year ago, unbeknownst to me at the time, I was about to enter what would become the deepest, darkest depression I would ever encounter in my young life. My heart became riddled with holes that I thought would never heal. A year later, what I have found is the truth of Rumi's words, the wound let more light come through me. My heart expanded more than I could have ever imagined. The grief made way for a joy that is more complete than I have ever experienced. Just when I thought my capacity for love had been all but quashed, I found within my soul an ever-growing ability to love and be loved.

I have once again returned to that young girl who looked at her wounds with curiosity and implicit trust. I know that magical things are taking place just under the surface and that all is indeed well.

tall penguin

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