I kissed a girl this weekend. Not just a peck kiss but a full-on mini-makeout kiss. And I enjoyed every second of it. Yes, I was drunk. But not so drunk as to be unaware of what I was doing. Even when I’m drunk I have a very acute sense of my surroundings and an inordinately strong sense of responsibility. I have yet to do something when I’m drunk that I wouldn’t consent to doing when I’m sober. So, I kissed a girl and I liked it.
It’s a funny thing really. Having grown up with such a strong black and white box within which to put everything, I find that nothing really goes into that box very well. Nothing is as clear cut as I was raised to think it was, even sexual attraction. The idea that we, as humans, are clear cut hetero or homosexual is really quite unrealistic. It seems to me that such distinctions are quite arbitrary. While there may be innate or inborn tendencies to be attracted to a particular sex, I also believe that the largest sex organ is the brain and well, once you create a story up there, it can filter down to other parts of your body and before you know it, you’re attracted to someone you never thought you could be attracted to.
All these experiences of late are really showing me how much goes on in that three pound universe we call the brain. I am challenging beliefs, rewriting stories, confronting illusions. I have yet to find anything in my mind that is real. It’s all so very subjective. One thought leads to another which leads to another and the story practically weaves itself. It’s wildly amusing and oddly disconcerting. Sometimes it makes me want to laugh and sometimes it makes me want to cry. Often, I do both.