Sunday, January 20, 2008

Missing the War...

When I was in the lowest of the lows this past summer, I cried almost every day. I remember coming home after making it through a day's work and collapsing into a sobbing ball on the floor. There was something so completely visceral about it. It came from the depths of my soul. It was old. It was raw. It was pure.

As difficult as those moments were, they were real. And I miss them.

tall penguin


heart2heart said...

You miss those moments... but do you ever really want to go through them again?

Just asking.

tall penguin said...

Perhaps I should clarify. I definitely do not miss what caused those moments. What I miss is the ability to let go and cry like I did then. It seems that now that I'm back to "normal", the everyday grind of life, I find myself less able to access that state of complete emotional surrender.

There was something so pure about being able to cry as I did this summer. The judgment fell away. I just felt what I was feeling and it was okay. It's not so easy to access that now.

tall penguin