For the first time in my life, I'm not in a relationship, nor am I consciously seeking one. I know, you're recalling my New Years intention blog where I stated that this year I'm calling in "the one". But that's on my back burner. I'm not avidly seeking anything. Neither am I attached to an outcome.
Since my teens, my thoughts have been consumed with seeking love and relationship. If I wasn't in one, I was thinking about finding one. I was grading every male I came into contact with, taking mental notes, trying to figure out if we'd be good together. But now, I'm just me. Just me being me with people, enjoying people as they come along into my life, male and female alike. It's refreshing. It's freeing.
Until recently, I never appreciated what being single means. It means I set my own schedule. It means I eat potato chips in bed at any hour of the day. It means I can delay doing laundry as long as I like, because it's only my underwear and sock needs that are of concern. It means I can enjoy the company of whoever I like, whenever I like. It means I can make money, save money, spend money, according to my budget and mine only. It means I can stay out all night and not have to answer to anyone. It means I can cook or not cook and it doesn't matter. It means I can clean my house and it stays clean. It means being able to laugh, cry, scream, jump up and down, curl up in a ball or do anything else I please without any one else's feelings to worry about. It means being able to explore who I am, without worrying about what someone else thinks. It means being me with me. And I like it.
My greatest fear in life has been that I will end up alone. That I won't find someone to have a family with or share life with. That fear is being confronted daily. It's not as scary as I thought. I'm finding most stuff isn't.