Friday, November 23, 2007

I've Arrived...

It's been over two years now since I left the jehovah's witnesses. During that time I have been part of an online forum, the largest of its kind, for ex-jws. It has been incredibly useful for my healing process. I still visit this forum but for different reasons now. I go back for the newbies, for the ones just leaving the group. I go back to welcome them and give them moral support. I feel it my duty to show them the love that was shown to me when I was a newb.

As I peruse the forum now, the topics no longer hold the same charge they once did. I can read about the latest pedophile scandal in the ranks of the jw world and not feel triggered up. I can read about interrogation processes and not enter a panic attack. I can read personal accounts of family losses and irrational jw behavior and not get stuck in a downward spiral of self-pity and grief. It all seems so irrelevant to me now. It's such a small group in a large world. They think they're important, but they're not. Nothing really is.

The forum creator is oft apt to remark that the goal of all ex-jws is to become ex-ex-jws. I didn't get it when I first arrived. Now I do. I'm no longer just an ex-jw. I'm a human being. For one of the first times in my life, I feel like I'm part of this world. Like it's mine just like anyone else's. And it feels good. Normal even. Hmm....normal. Never thought I'd ever feel "normal".

tall penguin

4 comments:

tom sheepandgoats said...

Hmmmm

For one of the first times in my life, I feel like I'm part of this world.

Trouble is, is it really that great of a world to be part of? Most people who become JWs (unless you were born into the faith) do so out of concern for the world's downward spiral and human inability to deal with it. The
Witness framework offers explanations as to why things are the way they are, why God permits suffering, why we all die, what happens after death, etc. Albeit with a certain dysfunction that happens anywhere you deal with an organization of people. A dysfunction which is within tolerable limits, I think, and worth the benefits of answers found no where else.

Look, don't take this as criticism, only perspective. Everyone has a right to move on with life when they think the time is right, and it appears you've landed on your feet rather than your face. Nobody can take that away from you, though I don't agree with your decision.

tall penguin said...

Thank you Tom for your thoughts.

"Trouble is, is it really that great of a world to be part of?"

Indeed it is. Of course, it's all perspective isn't it? If you choose to see the world as hostile and in need of saving, then that is what it will be for you.

"The Witness framework offers explanations as to why things are the way they are, why God permits suffering, why we all die, what happens after death, etc."

Of course, this is all from the premise that there IS a god at all. If you change your premises, your questions about life and in turn, your views on it will change as well.

Perhaps the most interesting question any of us can ask is: What if what I believe to be true isn't?

It is the freedom to ask and explore that question that I value each day now.

Gayle said...

Welcome! It's so nice to have you here.

G

Brandon said...

Becoming an ex-ex-jw is something I just went through very recently. (i.e. plans of invading district conventions, other pranks, and talking about JWs at all) It's pretty cool isn't it?