I wrote here recently about love and addiction. I've been thinking more and more about this lately. A friend told me of an article (which I can't seem to locate) written by an addiction specialist. He was talking about alcoholism and how the same kind of addiction patterns shown in relation to alcohol also manifest in their relationships. He said when these addictive types meet someone who they're just nuts about it's the disease talking. They are attracted to the comfort of the chaos the beloved represents, to the disappointment they'll bring. Although it's unhealthy, it's familiar. It's a similar pattern to people who end up in abusive relationships over and over again. It's not love. It's addiction.
Now when I become instantly attracted to someone, I pause and think that maybe it's just old patterns of painful familiarity coming to the surface and prompting this "love" response. Feeling "nuts" about anyone is just that...a few steps away from insanity. It's only a matter of time before it becomes obvious that the person I have fallen for is just a repeat of some unhealthy character from my past.
We think we're so in control. We think we're directing our own lives. But are we? Seems sometimes that we're all continually acting out the patterns of the past. I'm beginning to wonder whether I even have a file set up in my brain for the kind of person I say I want. I better be careful what I wish for. I may get it and not know what the fuck to do with it.