Monday, September 10, 2007

Perspective...

For the past four months I have been helping a new mother with her twin boys, now aged 13 months. I love children. Having studied infant development, I find it fascinating to watch these little guys grow, explore and learn. It's funny to sit back and watch them interact. They love playing peek-a-boo with me and each other.

Since I was a young girl I have wanted to have children. Yet, I wonder if that's just what I've been conditioned to want. I wonder what I would do with my time if I decided not to become a mother. How would I fill the next 20 years of my life? And I wonder how many people have children for these reasons. The factors seem complicated. I just wonder whether more children is what the planet really needs.

I have just come from taking care of these sweet little boys and I am exhausted in every way. I don't know how mothers do it. I am gaining a new empathy for my mother. Knowing her mental/emotional state at the time that she had my brother and I, I can imagine how difficult raising us was for her. Perhaps that is the context for why I would often find her lying across her bed at the end of the day crying. I find myself suffering the same universal exhaustion daily.

I am beginning to let go of all the preconceived notions I have had for my life. I have no idea what I'm doing. I have no idea where I'm going. I take each day one minute, one hour at a time. It's all I can do. I trust it won't always be this way. But I don't know for sure. I don't know anything for sure.

tall penguin

1 comment:

heart2heart said...

Hey Girlfriend :)

Just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking of you and wishing you well.

"I am beginning to let go of all the preconceived notions I have had for my life. I have no idea what I'm doing. I have no idea where I'm going. I take each day one minute, one hour at a time. It's all I can do. I trust it won't always be this way. But I don't know for sure. I don't know anything for sure."

Sometimes that's all we can do, just take things one minute, one hour at a time; one step in front of the other until we figure out where we are and where we are going. We may trip and fall, but as one of your posters commented a few days ago, that is part of our journey. Getting back up is the hardest part, but also the most rewarding. You've got some great friends helping you along the way!

Send me a quick email, let me know how you're doing :)

((((hugs&love!))))