I have gotten used to cutting people out of my life. The jw's taught me well. But I don't want to cut people out of my life anymore. I'm learning that relationships can be worked with. They can grow. They can change and shift. I realize there's a balance here of course, that sometimes relationships can be unhealthy and need to be reexamined. But I don't feel so in a hurry as I once did to clear people to the side and "move on".
I have these images sometimes of these strewn bodies on the roadside of my life, the bodies of those I've cut off or lost along the way. I feel some days like I am grieving the loss of all these people now, all at once. It is a lot of grief. Today, I am glad for the process. I am glad my body is working through all this stuff, as painful as it is. I feel hopeful, like maybe I'll be better off for all of this. Like maybe there is a light at the end of this long, dark tunnel. I don't know. Maybe it's just the meds finally kicking in.