Friday, August 31, 2007

Venting 1, 2, 3...

So, here's why I'm pissed. In light of the breakup, I've had numerous people tell me some version of the following:

"People come into our lives for a reason and when that reason is complete, the relationship ends." Or, "you learned what you needed to learn and now the lesson is over." Or, my personal unfavorite, "It just wasn't meant to be."

Now, I'm sure in the world where fairies, gods and demons exist one can get one's head around finding meaning in anything, including the very painful end of a relationship. And perhaps this rhetoric comes from the same new age crap factory as "There are no coincidences." But I'm not buying it. I call bullshit.

To me, maybe there's a million reasons why a relationship ends. Maybe there's no reason at all. And sometimes, I think this "meant to be" shit is just an escape for those who don't want to commit. It's much easier to say, "Thanks dear for the life lesson. I'm leaving you now" than to realize what the issues are and be committed to working through them.

And then there's this crap about "not knowing what love is". That's bullshit. If you don't know what love is you have no business even being in a relationship to begin with and if you discover that at some point on the way through, well why don't ya damn well stick around and try to sort it out with the someone who actually loves you in spite of your fucked-up self?! ARGH!!!

We've bought into these fairy tale notions of relationships and what they're supposed to feel like and look like. We're apes people. We're making this shit up as we go along. It's ugly. It's painful. And it's dirty. Yet it can be the most amazing and beautiful thing. Why can't we just let it happen? Why does it have to be so complicated?

tall penguin


Gayle said...

The whole idea of predestination really turns me off of religion, so I completely agree with you in calling the "mean to be"isms bs. Platitudes like that tend to be well-meant, but sometimes a big hearty "it really sucks and I'm sorry it happened to you" is much more appropriate. really sucks and I'm sorry it happened to you. Love can't be defined or known because it constantly changes. There are no real-life fairy tales, but there are a lot of good things that happen with great people and when things go awry, it's difficult to understand. You're right to be angry, but don't forget that there's a lot of stuff out there that is waiting for you to experience and that there are a lot of people who do care.


tall penguin said...

Thank you Gayle for your sincere comments. I am touched by your replies.