I had a bad night last night, one filled with memories of the past, memories that left my stomach turning when I woke. My limbic system continues to be easily triggered by songs and movies and smells and sights and sounds. I woke up this morning with old jw songs playing in my head, like the needle was stuck on the record. It just played over and over. I pulled the covers over my head and tried to escape back into dreamland.
A few hours later, my dear sweet friend Ganga called me. We chatted about my horrid night and how this dark night of the soul seems to have no end. She then played one of her songs for me. She's a wonderful guitarist singer/songwriter who writes inspiring songs for women. She has the voice of an angel. As I laid in my bed listening to her play, I was filled with gratitude. I feel blessed to have these people in my life, people who are along for my journey. People who aren't shying away from the dark moments I'm going through. People who believe in me.
I'm out of bed now. Sitting at my kitchen table, watching the sun stream through the trees, as the wind banters around their branches. I still have no desire to go to work but at least I'm alive for another day. Sometimes, that's as good as it gets.