Monday, July 16, 2007

Notes from a reefer virgin...

As mentioned previously, I recently had my first intense pot experience. I've smoked up before but I don't think I was inhaling properly so I didn't get the full effect. Well, now I know how to do it and oh my, what a time it was.

I actually wrote almost the whole time I was high. Here is what I wrote, transcribed in full. I've blocked out names for obvious reasons.

Re: sensitivity of smell, hear, eyes, nerves, etc: they smell, tasted more. I could barely even taste sour cream and onion chips. They got giddy, I didn't. We all got hungry.

Re: my mouth (jaw felt off; bite felt off) It felt like in between freezing/unfreezing, like I could feel all nerves running through my jaw--kind of painful but not--in between stages of freezing.

(words are in 3D)

***** feels slightly anxious. I FEEL QUIET!!! The fucking voices are there but it's like it doesn't matter. AND I CAN FOCUS!!! For the first time I can filter out the peripheral incoming in my sense. FUCK!!! I so need to get an RX for you know what.

***** is saying there's no fizz in her pop. We're all laughing like crazy. I'm smiling, not really laughing. But man, do I ever feel joyful in my heart.

(Time seems slow. The letters are still 3-D)

(I can think about ***** but it doesn't feel all hurting in my chest.)

(Check if chips stale.)

(Can't wait to get this on the blog. When I can coordinate my muscles better.)

I feel so creative but not as inclined to create. I feel so slow. FINALLY. SLOW!!!

Can still notice the underlying current of my thoughts--or rather the overlying current. But it's like I can finally be with the really me--the "I am." Who I really am. I could spend a LOT of time like this. Fuck! I can so understand why a lot of the great artists over history have created while under the influence.

(Could I get arrested for putting this out in public? I can't believe my conscience still plagues me, even in this state.)

I hope this writing is real. And it's not going to be one big smudge after this wears off. That would be a real shame.

Mental Note! Carry notebook when going to smoke up.

(Nope the chips aren't stale. I just really can't taste them.)

(My writing--it feels like...you know...like a 3D picture looks when you're not wearing the glasses? Like all these concentric lines around each figure?)

*****, I hope you're paying attention. You're pretty cool. I liked you in high school.

(Hi Mr. Censor! The one in my brain (not *****). Okay, I won't say any more. Geesh, how high would I have to get to stop the censor?)

Okay I'm gonna go now.

P.S. And *****, I know why you were an insensitive ass the first day you got high. Wasn't much censor to turn down, now was there? Still doesn't excuse you, but now I know. Now if I could only understand why you were an ass when you weren't high???

Okay, gonna go now for real and enjoy this feeling.

If there is a god, now's your chance. May I never wake from this. I am finally free. FREE!!!

Amen.

Final Mental Note to Self: HAVE SEX WHILE STONED!!!

And yes, I will be accepting applications. Just kidding. No, don't email me. Okay, well not all of you. Some of you can email me. You can figure out which group you're in. Bye :)

15 minutes later (***** was making chicken wings so I can gauge time.)

Okay, more to say.

I am still aware of my muscles, particularly the left side of my neck which has been giving me a hard time this year. I still feel very energetic.

And still notice what's going on around me. Like *****'s shifty eyes and obvious paranoia. *****'s quiet, like she's asleep but she still seems aware. And ***** who's out cold. And me, I'm writing for posterity.

The dehumidifier sounds like a radio tuned into 104.5 (I heard the call sign in my head which is odd considering I'm not in the same province right now.)

And my memory is in the past. But it's all the good stuff--earlier life memories. It runs by my eyes like clouds. Like a movie behind my eyes. It makes me smile. I must say it's oddly wonderful.

I'm glad I'm writing this stuff down. Because my short term recall is crap now.

(The perceived radio is on my right side. But as I get closer to the sound, I see only the dehumidifier.)

My companions are almost all asleep. And I feel energetic. But mellow. (The "radio" still drones on.)

Wow, I'm really seeing how crazy brain chemistry really is. Just reminds me that we know so little about the brain, or mind, or consciousness. I think this is my third or fourth time trying this. But the first time I've ever been like this.

I was the last to feel anything. Just like my alcohol experience. I'm almost always the last to get drunk. Drink to drink I'm usually the last one buzzed. Then it all seems to hit me at once. I wonder if pot will be the same.

It's been two hours now. Half of the group is asleep. I'm still writing. There's a cramp in my thumb. I can push through it though.

From the white noise of the dehydrator is a tick tock from the home local's "Beat the Bank" promotion. It's really weird.

(Chicken wing frenzy.)

I can feel myself coming down now. Wait, let's take a photo for posterity's sake.

(Photo session.)



I am now the only one awake. My brain is back to buzzing. And my heart is back to its ever-expanding-oh god-it-hurts-too-much state.

It's all over now. Oh, and the name is Charly.

tall penguin

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi there!

This was a funny read for me as I also recently left the organization and also recently got incredibly high for the first time.

I look forward to reading your blog about your Witness experiences.

Another blog you might be interested in is my friend Ryan's. He chronicled his entire disassociation process. It's been really helpful to me.

It all starts with this post:
http://ryansutter.net/wp/2004/07/

I found you on the Richard Dawkins forum. My username is ExJehovahsWitness. Drop me a PM if you like.

Also! If you're looking for a book to open any witnesses' minds to evolution, Finding Darwin's God did it for me. It's an absolute atomic bomb for debunking intelligent design. But in a gentle way that wouldn't scare off a witness.

Anyway. Thanks for sharing. You're not alone!

Anonymous said...

WOW hehe I have to agree, being "devirginized" myself recently, that it is a strange feeling.

I didn't experience the paranoia that your friends did, but had a more peaceful "aware" feeling much like yours... calm, subdued, able to focus, yet energized at the same time.

I agree too, about the whole brain chemistry question.. who really knows what goes on up there?

Maybe this summer we can experience the stuff together, what a trip that will be! lol

*JP*

tall penguin said...

Thanks ExJoHO! I checked out Ryan's posts. It will be two years since I DA'd. A decision that I don't regret but that I still feel the ramifications of daily. It is what it is.

I'll look for you on RD.net. Take good care.

tall penguin said...

Hey JP!!! Yup, you and me gettin' high baby. Let's make a date when I get back and have a good time. ;)

Anonymous said...

TP: awesome! Reminds me of my celebrated "lost years" of studying and analyzing myself and the world while high. Very joyous.

Signed: ********
(censored Pearsonite)