I'm coming to realize how the internet, cell phones, email, facebook, and even this blog have become ways of connecting with people, obsessively so. Sometimes, I use these mediums to express things from a safe distance, things I might not be able to say to your face. And I think we've all become just a little bit cowardly as a result. Gone are the days of sitting around in rooms for hours, face-to-face, ala any number of Jane Austen novels, and talking, really talking, about nothing, about everything. Talking where we can see the other person's reaction. Where we can notice those subtle changes in their body language that say what their words may not.
Long are gone the time of letters and snail mail when you could deliberate and pour over a letter from a beloved, savoring their words and your response. Now it is all too easy. At the click of a button you can send off any old shit you felt like saying at the time. And when it's all over and you no longer want that person in your life, you can hang up on them by phone, block them on msn, bounce back their emails, remove them from your facebook "friends". You can even go invisible on your msn and just watch them like some twisted stalker. "I can see you but you can't see me." As if that gives you some power, some upper hand in the healing process.
Technology has allowed us to cut people out of our lives in any number of rather violent and impulsive ways. But how do you sufficiently remove someone from your heart? There is no coronary scroll down list asking you who you'd like to block. There is no way to bounce back all the the joys, all the hurt, all the pain. There is no way to hang up when your heart brings up yet another image, another experience, another memory. It's just not that simple.
There is no quick way through. There is no magic button to press to make it all go away. There is no CTRL-ALT-DEL for the heart. No way to reboot the system. We are irrevocably altered by every life we touch and every life that touches ours. It is painful. It is raw. It is beautiful. It is what makes us human.