Thursday, April 12, 2007

Freedom...

Haven't written much lately. Life has been interesting. Josh and I are parting ways. It's been painful yet freeing.

It's funny but for the past 10 days since the decision was made I haven't spent much time on the ex-jw forum. Nor have I felt the need to talk about "my story". No one I work with even knows I'm going through this major change. And it feels good. I feel freed from my story in many ways. Granted, there are moments of self-pity and moments of grief and anger and disappointment. And that's okay. I'm riding the emotions and not becoming attached to them. Just allowing them to float through me. If I want to cry, I cry. If I want to rant, I rant. I know that none of these emotions is me, like none of my thoughts are me.

At this point, I have no idea what's going to happen next in my life. I have no expectations, no plans, no preconceived ideas of what my future is "supposed" to look like. I just know that I'm here, right now, breathing and being. It's all I know for sure. And it is enough.

tall penguin

2 comments:

"The Mackerel" said...

Hey, I know how this feels. The wife and I are going our separate ways. In many ways I have not known such joy since I don't know when. It has its moments though, and I have and will shed tears. But I can now make relationship choices with the understanding that I now have being out of "the truth." And I will no longer have someone telling me that I shouldn't be angry or negative over the hurt that the WT inflicted on me. I hope that you also find peace.

tsof

tall penguin said...

Thanks tsof. Nice to see you on here. Relationships are funny things now aren't they?

I wish you well my friend. May your heart be opened further still by this experience. There is so much more here than we ever imagined.