From the Archives: Winter 2003
I had been in a depression for weeks. The winter was still raging on with no end in sight. Cold, windy, snowy, like a winter should be; if you live in the Arctic. The lack of sunshine had taken its toll. I was miserable. Sleep was my only consolation. To sleep and dream of summer and warmth and all the marvelous possibilities that lie therein. Perhaps love, perhaps not. But at least there would be sunshine. I craved it and it eluded me.
Spending too much time in front of the computer didn’t help. There were deadlines. There was paperwork. And the nagging feeling that all needed to get done yesterday. The stress of work becomes somewhat more unbearable in the winter. It’s like the body knows it’s supposed to slow down and hibernate. I mean if the earth in my hemisphere is taking a break, who am I to work twelve hours a day? The nerve really.
It was a particularly good night’s sleep. I dreamed of past loves. Ever notice how the past becomes the present in your dreams? I don’t think there is a past when you dream. Good thing really, because the past is usually not much fun.
He was there. The tall, dark and handsome that I hadn’t thought consciously about for a long time. We held each other tightly and all was well. Which was so different from the reality I lived with him. Thank goodness for dreams. They let you re-file your memories in a more positive folder.
After a great, long and wonderful slumber I awoke. There was sun outside yet I could tell it was still very, very cold. I lied in bed for a while and just reflected. On where I’d been, what I’d been through, who I’d been and well, who I’d been through. And it all seemed okay. I mean granted, I’d made many mistakes in my life. Yet it all seemed quiet somehow, like there was no more to be done there. And it was okay to just move forward. A nice moment to say the least.
I got out of bed after this solemn meditative moment and moved out into the living room. And then I just sat there on the couch, quietly pondering the day ahead. Then it happened, there was this movement from below. I looked down and my feet were dancing!!! Can’t explain it really. It seemed as though they were moving of their own accord. As if some mysterious dancing possession overtook them. There was no music, but the faint release of laughter coming from deep within my heart. First one foot, then the other, and they were tapping for joy. It was like they were aware of my great epiphanous moment just moments before.
My feet reassured me that sunshine was indeed coming and I would dance again, through the Summer, through the year, through my life.