How much choice or free will do we actually have? How much of our behavior and personality is determined by genetics and how much by environment? It's the whole nurture versus nature question and it's been going on forever I know. I just find it so frustrating.
The older I get the more I feel like I'm becoming my mother. As much as I have attempted to make different choices with my life and be consciously aware of why I'm doing what I'm doing, my life seems to still be moving in the same direction as hers. Same health problems. Same fears. Same hopes. And I wonder how much control I really have over this? Is choice just another illusion?
When I look around at my friends, as different as they may appear from their parents, there are some very core similarities. Many they'd be loathe to admit. With the 80 or so years we have on this planet, it seems unlikely we can "rise above" very much. Most days it feels like I'm just moving through cycles, the same ones my parents went through, and probably the same ones their parents went through.
Perhaps during each lifetime of these cycles, we manage to inject a small amount of higher consciousness for the next generation, to keep evolution moving along. But it would seem that it is relatively small, too small to be significant within our limited time frame.
I can see why people don't want to believe in evolution. It's slow and you only get to see a very small part of the picture. We'll never see how our bit of life contributed to the eventual evolution of the species, or its demise. It's much easier to believe that some deity is coming back to the earth in our lifetime and is going to make everything better and that our free will actions will determine whether we get to live forever. Wishful thinking is so much more fun than fact-based reality.
I miss my illusions.