Saturday, January 27, 2007

Acceptance

I've been struggling with acceptance. Acceptance of myself and what is. I think the biggest obstacle I face in this is that if I accept myself I must accept others as well. And generally this is not a problem. Except for one person. My mother.

I still have such a hard time accepting that my mother could not have made better choices in her life, choices that would have made life much different for my brother and I. Of course, the biggest choice being that of joining the JW cult.

Yet, I really wonder whether she could have made a different choice. All things being equal, if time and life had unfolded exactly as it did for her, would her ultimate decisions not remain the same? Kind of puts the idea of free will into perspective.

I see such similarities between my mother and I. I want so much to make different decisions than she did. And in some ways I have, but in other ways I still battle the same underlying issues she did. We're not all that different. To accept me is to accept her. And it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

tall penguin

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