Thursday, December 21, 2006

So, I'm Becoming A Skeptic...

Never thought I'd see the day where I'm reading Richard Dawkins and perusing "Skeptical Inquirer" or putting aside my homeopathic remedies and reaching for the ibuprofen, but here I am.

I just finished reading "The God Delusion" and I realize how ignorant I've been for a very long time. Growing up in a cult, my exposure to evolution (notwithstanding "The Far Side" cartoons I loved as a teen; bless you Gary Larson) was at the hands of equally ignorant bible-thumpers who used just about every logical fallacy imaginable to back their case for creationism. Admitting to myself that I've been a complete idiot for most of my life is humbling to say the least. I've spent many moments recently in tears over my own ignorance. How could I have been so stupid? Sigh.

I'm slowly emerging from the hypnagogic stupor that has been my existence for the past 32 years to find a very intriguing and overwhelming world surrounding me. A stranger to a strange land, I find myself learning the language of this new paradigm with great difficulty. I have little foundation for rational thought and critical decision-making. I was taught what to think, not how to think. I grieve for the ill-advised decisions I've made. All the heartache, not to mention ill health, I endured because of cognitive dissonance brings me to my knees some days. For so long I tried to keep it all together in my mind. "Yes, there's a god. Sure, he cares. Yes I'm being abused but god will work it out when he's good and ready. It's not up to me to question him. There's a master plan. Just be patient."

I wonder what I will discover in the days ahead of me. More ignorance I'm sure. More 20/20 hindsight. More grief and anger and disappointment. Yet also there will be hope. And knowledge and truth. And possibility. Ahh yes, possibility. The ever-emerging idea that maybe, just maybe, I'll amount to something in this life. That all the potential I've been shoving away for someone else's ideals will surface and manifest in this world. That, my friends, excites me.

tall penguin

No comments: